5 Scandals for Week 5!

Juice, this week we were rocked by the news of 5 salacious scandals. I think its time to put them in some prescpetive.

1.     Brett Favre sends pictures of his junk to Jenn Sterger.

a.      DP: I think what is most shocking about this story is how on Earth does he think it will work? Some plastic floozy turns him down either because he is married or because they work for the same company and she is afraid of getting fired if anyone finds out. So Favre thinks sending her pictures of his dong will change her mind? Huh? If you are trading on your celebrity to get girls, why would they care about your dick? I’m pretty sure Jenn Sterger would have no problem finding much better dick than Brett Favre. It’s just mind-boggling.

b.     TJ: This girl is a huge plastic floozy, yes, but she’s also had her 15 minutes of fame (she was an FSU Cowgirl, and parlayed that into shoots for Playboy and others).  As a result, I’m quite sure she’s hooked up with a bunch of young male athletes/models/actors and other assorted douchebags.  Thus, she’s probably no longer starstruck by dudes like Favre, and she’s used to young studs carrying a pound and a half of tubesteak, not an average 40-year-old hot dog.  It’s probably been a long time since Favre met a young moronic chick who wouldn’t give him a quick beej just for smiling at her, so I think he was just confused.  He thought “Well, this girl must not think it’s really me, because if she knew it was me, how could she turn me down?”  Doesn’t explain the pics, but the rest of it makes some sense.  Basically, he’s an idiot for sending the dick pics, and there’s no way to explain it otherwise.

2.     A Duke graduate publishes her “Fuck List” ranking the relative bedroom prowess of 14 Duke athletes.

a.      DP: I think it’s funny that everyone came to the defense of the guys saying what an invasion of privacy this was. Isn’t it still good to get laid in college? This sort of thing must happen in college all the time now with texting and social media. If they weren’t athletes and this wasn’t Duke, no one would care.

b.     TJ: I think people are just pissed about the double standard.  If it had been a male athlete writing the “thesis” about 14 female groupies, everyone would be up-in-arms about the “rape culture” again.  Face it, folks, college kids do three things: drink, fuck, and make mistakes.  Sometimes all at the same time.  She’s a moron, but she’s paying the price for her stupidity with a lifetime of embarrassment.  I’m over it.

3.     There are rumors of a Tiger Woods sex tape with mistress #15. Are you interested?

a.      DP: Only if his caddie, Steve Williams, is in the tape. It would be fascinating to watch Williams in the background keeping things quiet, making sure the lighting is right, handing Tiger his condom, reading his notes and giving Tiger advice on the best way to approach the hole based upon past performances, and most importantly washing Tiger’s balls after they get scuffed.

b.     TJ: Jesus, Doc, could you leave just one joke for me?  I think a Tiger sex tape would be hilarious, especially if he talks like he does on the course.  Can’t you see him getting really mad at himself and throwing stuff when it’s not going well? “Goddamnit, don’t use your fucking teeth!”  “Fuck, I’m way left!”  “Jesus Christ, I’m in the rough again!”

4.     Former NFL agent Josh Luchs describes in great detail his history of paying college players. Whistle Blower or Snitch?

a.      DP: I hate the NCAA so I loved every minute of it. I have thought about this a lot and there is no way I can consider college ‘amateurism’ to be anything other than a joke. It’s essentially a racket for (mainly old white) head Coaches and Athletic Directors to get paid millions at the expense of (mainly younger black) players.

b.     TJ: You said it, Doc, the whole thing is a bunch of hypocritical nonsense, and I love anything that damages the façade of amateurism.  I hope more agents and players confirm this and add more stories, and that it snowballs out of control.  Let’s just make the payments above board and get it over with.

5.     Doctor Psych was doing some shopping for Men’s Furnishing this weekend when he noticed a display of all of the different kinds of underwear sold at Macy’s. Included among the typical items (boxers, briefs, boxer-briefs, bikini, thong) was the jock-strap. Is the jock-strap now an acceptable form of daily men’s underwear?

a.      DP: I say it is not. Any type of functional underwear must cover the butt-hole.

b.     TJ: I am not qualified to answer, since I haven’t worn underwear since 1998.