Doctor Psych: Since Week 4 was too screwy to understand, I will forgo the normal recap and instead give an update for all the teams in the league. Since most teams have played 4 games, the season is about ¼ over; a good time to stand back and take a personal accounting. The league has an unusual amount of parity (or mediocrity) this year with only Kansas City still undefeated and I doubt they are headed for the Superbowl. You can look at every team with either as Glass Half Empty or Glass Half Full.
The Juice: The Doc is right, this season has been eight kinds of retarded, and we need to step back and evaluate these teams. I’ll try to get a bit more quantitative, and grade the teams (on an A+ to F- scale) in four catagories: offense (O) and defense (D), which are self-explanatory; quality of play (QP), meaning how well they played normalized to the strength of their opponents (i.e., a close loss against Pittsburgh is better than a close win against Buffalo); and chance to succeed (CS), meaning their prospects for winning in the remainder of the season (with superbowl favorite as A+, competitive in the division as C, and won’t win another game as F-). Professor Juice is ready to flunk some of these dipshits! Let’s go!
NFC East-
Philly (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- The emergence of Vick and regression of Kolb has led to a full-blown QB controversy.
Glass Half Full- The Eagles are contending for the NFC despite dumping franchise QB Donovan McNabb.
TJ: O: B+ They’ve developed some balance on offense, and Vick has been brilliant (when healthy). They lead the division in total points with 95.
D: C- The pass defense has been horrible(27th in the league), and they gave up 32 to the Lions.
QP: C Their wins have come against Detroit and Jax, not stellar teams, but their losses to GB and Washington were close (7 and 5 points, respectively).
CS: B- Vick gives them a puncher’s chance in any game if they can keep his ribs in place, and the division is very much up-for-grabs, though Washington, Dallas, and NY have all woken up in their last games.
Washington (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two really bad losses (@Rams and blowing a lead to Houston) show they are too inconsistent to be a serious contender.
Glass Half Full- Still have a shot at the NFC East with a new QB and a new coach.
TJ: O: C+ Mediocre in every respect, at least they’ve limited their turnovers.
D: C- Worst pass defense in the league.
QP: B+ Two division wins and an OT loss to a good Houston team are very positive, and that Rams loss isn’t as bad as it seems (the Rams are actually slightly unshitty at times).
CS: C- I see two home losses looming against Green Bay and Indy.
NY Giants (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- 2 really, really bad losses (@Indy and Tenn). One win vs. terrible Carolina.
Glass Half Full- Despite bad start they looked good against the Bears and still are tied for the lead.
TJ: O: A- Definitely the bright spot, they rank in the top 9 in both rushing and passing, and averaging 30 points per outing.
D: B- The rush defense is atrocious, but they’re somehow holding opponents under 12 points per game.
QP: C Lost by a lot to strong Indy and Tennessee squads, but had a dominant defensive performance against a tough Bears team.
CS: B They’ve been inconsistent so far, but games against Detroit, Jax, and Seattle mean they could build on their tie for the division lead.
Dallas (1-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Supposed Superbowl contenders looked unprepared in losing the first two games.
Glass Half Full- Played better against Houston, despite slow start no one in NFC is pulling away.
TJ: O: B- That offensive line is killing them. The passing O has been productive, but they need to get Marion Barber rolling early and often and control the clock better.
D: B- The defense has been consistently decent.
QP: C Close losses to Washington and Chicago look OK now, but I think those losses might stand out more as those teams prove to be less than elite.
CS: C They’re a half game behind the three-way division-leading clusterfuck, but some tough games at Minny and GB might widen that gap.
NFC South
Atlanta (3-1)-
DP: Glass Half Empty- Looked bad against Pitt, struggled to beat 49ers at home.
Glass Half Full- 3-1 with a win @New Orleans.
TJ: O: B Piling on the points against Arizona has falsely inflated their statistics. The truth is that Ryan and Turner have been disappointing so far.
D: B Solid defensive play, giving up 15 points per game.
QP: A- Their only loss was in OT to an excellent Pittsburgh squad, and they poured it on against the only truly poor team they played (41-7 against AZ).
CS: A- Easy games against Cincy, Seattle, Cleveland, TB, and Carolina twice are still on the schedule, and they lead the division with a win in the bank against New Orleans.
New Orleans (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Offense is struggling, defense not creating turnovers like last year.
Glass Half Full- still 3-1 and in contention despite slow start.
TJ: O: C+ What a disappointment! Loosing Reggie Bush doesn’t excuse having the 30th ranked rushing attack in the league.
D: B- They’re also giving up too many running yards, and as the Doc mentioned, they’re not creating any turnovers. Still, they’re holding opponents to 18 points per game, which ought to be enough most nights.
QP: B The only loss was to Atlanta in OT, but they’re three wins came by 5, 3, and 2 points!
CS: A- They’re 3-1 with a weak schedule coming at them, and you have to think that offense will wake up soon. They should be in the running for a wild card spot if Atlanta is able to edge them out for the division.
Tampa Bay (2-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two wins were against terrible teams (Cleveland, Carolina); exposed by Pittsburgh
Glass Half Full- Already 2 wins for the league’s youngest team, Freeman emerging as a QB.
TJ: O: C They’ve maximized their potential. Too bad they have so little potential.
D: C Pittsburgh’s backup QB looked like a Pro-bowler against these guys.
QP: D Two close wins against garbage teams and a shellacking by the only good team they faced.
CS: D They’ll need a miracle to make the playoffs.
Carolina (0-4)
DP: Glass Half Empty- 0-4, QB Moore has already been pulled for mistakes.
Glass Half Full- umm, not much. I guess they are getting some experience for Jimmy Clausen.
TJ: O: D Nothing much to like on this side of the ball for Carolina . . .
D: B Giving up 11.5 points per game would mean at least a couple victories for just about any other squad in the league.
QP: D- Hey, they played New Orleans pretty tight!
CS: F At 0-4, I don’t see any way this team makes any noise in the playoff push.
NFC North
Bears (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Their streak of good luck has run out and the Martz/Cutler combination is a turnover machine waiting to happen.
Glass Half Full- 3-1 with quality wins @Dallas and Green Bay.
TJ: O: C+ Last in the league in rushing, and they gave up 9 sacks in a single half? Everyone expected more from Mike Martz.
D: B Playing well against the run and only giving up 17 points per game, and there’s still room for improvement.
QP: B- Big win over Green Bay, but that loss to the Giants was ugly.
CS: B- They’re in the running for the division, and their next four games are Carolina, Seattle, Washington, and Buffalo.
Green Bay (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Gave away a game to the Bears when they could have established themselves as team to beat in NFC. Two wins have been against Buffalo and Detroit.
Glass Half Full- Rodgers has emerged as a viable MVP. Good road win against Philly.
TJ: O: B This offense has so much potential and has scored 26 a game, but the lack of a running game (albeit due to injury) prevents them from controlling the clock.
D: C+ This D was supposed to be greatly improved, but giving up 26 to Detroit doesn’t prove much.
QP: C+ A close loss to an ultra-lucky Chicago team is OK, but letting Detroit stick around and beating Buffalo aren’t going to earn high marks.
CS: B Their schedule is tough, they have a loss to the Bears, and I haven’t counted out the Vikings just yet. They’re still the division favorite, but the margin is slimmer than they’d like.
Vikings (1-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Favre looks slow, two tough losses to open the season, 4 straight weeks of tough games could put them at 1-6 or 2-5.
Glass Half Full- Played better against the Lions, chance to turn things over with no one in the NFC pulling away.
TJ: O: C Too many turnovers and not enough TDs. The run game is good, but Favre really needs to settle down and play after the bye week. Would the addition of Randy Moss help? Almost certainly.
D: B+ Giving up less than 10 points per game is pretty stellar.
QP: B Their two losses were by 4 and 5 points to good teams (Miami and New Orleans), and they beat Detroit handily.
CS: C+ The next four games are brutal (@NY Jets, Dallas, @Green Bay, @New England), and they’re already a game and a half in the hole. They’ll really need to step up their play for a chance at a Wild Card.
Detroit (0-4)-
Glass Half Empty- 0-4, again.
Glass Half Full- Playing hard, 4 losses were to Chicago, Philly, Minn, and Green Bay. Stafford and Suh look like real players.
TJ: O: B- They’re putting up more than 20 points per game against good opponents, and Stafford looked good in the one game he played.
D: D- Giving up more than 26 points per game and killing their team in close losses.
QP: C They’ve played a really tough schedule and kept in close in three of four games.
CS: F+ Almost impossible, but this team has been scrappy enough to avoid the flat F.
NFC West-
St Louis (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Still have least amount of talent in the league.
Glass Half Full- 2 wins and leading the division. Bradford looks like a legit QB.
TJ: O: C Balanced, but mediocre, offense, with a lot of future potential in Bradford.
D: B Giving up the fewest points in the division by far. No one has broken 20 points against them this year.
QP: C 2-2 against a very weak schedule, but their two losses were by a total of 6 points.
CS: B I can’t believe I’m giving the Rams a shot, but they have a very week schedule, and a share of the division lead.
Seattle (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Can’t win away from home. Still with very little talent.
Glass Half Full- Two wins over 49ers and Chargers. If they can win all of their home games, they could make play-offs at 8-8.
TJ: O: C They average 29 points at home and 8 points on the road. Hopefully, Marshawn Lynch will help improve their run game (currently ranked 27th).
D: C Really weak against the pass, and little talent to speak of.
QP: C 2-2, and their schedule has been weak.
CS: B- This division is up for grabs. If they can get a road win or two with their weak schedule, they have a shot at it. Wild card is out of reach, though.
Arizona (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- The team and the QB are terrible and have gotten 2 lucky wins.
Glass Half Full- Still in first place.
TJ: O: D They’re averaging under 15 points per game and their passing game is a shambles.
D: D Giving up almost 30 points per game, and no talent at all.
QP: D+ Killed by two good teams, and beat two bad teams by a total of 5 points.
CS: D+ The schedule could be easier, and St. Louis and Seattle are better teams. No shot at a wild card.
San Francisco (0-4)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Things pretty much couldn’t get worse. Blow out losses to bad teams, can’t hold o to wins against good teams. Fired O-Coordinator. Alex Smith not playing well.
Glass Half Full- 7-9 could still win the NFC West.
TJ: O: D- San Francisco has an offense? The QB and former offensive coordinator are far from the only issues.
D: C- A Mike Singletary-coached team should give up less than 26 points per game.
QP: C- They’re 0-4, but the schedule has been tough, and they were close against New Orleans and Atlanta, two good teams.
CS: D+ As the Doc said, 7-9 might win this division, so we can’t count anybody out.
AFC East
NY Jets (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Picking up so many players with bad character may finally be catching up to them. New England and Miami still lurking.
Glass Half Full- Sanchez has improved in his second year. Tomlinson is playing better. Wining without Revis. Already have 3 wins within the division.
TJ: O: B+ They’ve scored a lot of points in their last three games, and Sanchez is starting to look like the real deal. Plus, they’ve been taking care of the ball (only 1 fumble and no interceptions in 4 games).
D: A- Can’t ask for a lot more than holding your opponents to 15 points per game. Generating 9 turnovers is nice, too.
QP: B+ A one-point loss to the Ravens and three solid victories look pretty nice.
CS: B+ They’re 3-0 against a tough division, but they have both easy and very challenging games left on the schedule.
Miami (2-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Blew game at home against Jets. Could have losses to Jets and Pats if they lose tonight.
Glass Half Full- Started year with 2 road wins. Right in the thick of things if they can beat the Pats tonight.
TJ: O: C+ Their offense has racked up decent yardage, but they need to find the endzone much more often.
D: B- A lot of the Pats’ points weren’t actually scored against the defense, and they earned the first two wins for the team.
QP: C The schedule’s been pretty tough, but their wins were very close, and their losses were less so.
CS: C- Their schedule isn’t too bad, but they’re 1-2 in a tough division.
New England (2-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Defense is still porous. Nothing short of a Superbowl will matter for this team. Could have early season losses to NY Jets and Miami if they loss tonight.
Glass Half Full- Young players are improving, offense still looks potent.
TJ: O: B- They’ve been a little inconsistent, and possibly losing Randy Moss will hurt their chances of opening up the passing game. As I’ve said before, the rookie tight end Hernandez looks like a keeper.
D: B- They’re giving up too many points, but they’ve got 7 interceptions in 4 games. Room for improvement.
QP: B- Some big wins, but a tough division loss to the Jets really hurts.
CS: B- It’s going to be a real race to beat the Jets for the division, but a wild card isn’t out of the question at all.
Buffalo (0-4)-
DP: Glass Half Empty- Already have three losses to division foes. No chance to win now and not developing a QB.
Glass Half Full- Umm, does Jake Locker or Andrew Luck excite anyone in Buffalo. Yeah, me neither.
TJ: O: D+ They scored 30 against New England, but everyone else shut them down. Fitzpatcrick is an improvement over Edwards, and C.J. Spiller may turn out to be the real deal, but trading Marshawn Lynch for next-to-nothing seems like giving up.
D: F+ They’re giving up over 31 points per game and rank last in the league against the rush.
QP: D Their schedule has been brutal, and they kept it close in two games, but it’s hard to give a decent grade to an 0-4 tea.
CS: F Can’t see a way they could even approach .500 for the season. The remaining schedule is tough, with lots of road games against good teams.
AFC South-
Houston (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Lost to in-state rival Cowboys when they could have shoved a stake in their heart.
Glass Half Full- beat the Colts, came back against Washington, covered a spread on the road, that’s pretty much all you can ask for in the NFL anymore.
TJ: O: A The offense looks great, and Foster has been a revelation, leading the leagues #1 ranked rushing attack.
D: B They’re giving up too many points to teams like Oakland and Washington, but they’ve been solid overall.
QP: B- The home win over Indy was huge, but they needed OT to beat Washington, and lost to a beatable Dallas squad.
CS: B The division is tough, and the remaining schedule is no cakewalk. They’ll be in the running for the division and wild card, but really need to take care of business against NYG and KC in the next two weeks.
Jacksonville (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two terrible losses (Philly and @San Diego)
Glass Half Full- Two nice wins (Indy and Denver)
TJ: O: B- They need consistency, and that starts with the QB (6 TDs is good, but 5 INTs have really hurt).
D: D+ Giving up way too many points. 38 in San Diego?!?!
QP: C- A home win against Indy is terrific, but they were shellacked by the Eagles and Chargers.
CS: C- Have only played one division game, but they have Buffalo, Cleveland, and Oakland left on the schedule. Can’t rule them out of the wild card race.
Tenn (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two nice wins (blew out Oakland, won @NY Giants)
Glass Half Full- Two terrible losses (7 TOs vs. Steelers, and home to Denver)
TJ: O: B The passing game has been week, but Vince Young has managed the game well. Chris Johnson has to get more touches and average more yards per carry.
D: B The defense has been consistent and done enough to win games.
QP: B Their wins were convincing, and their losses were very close to a decent Denver team and an outstanding Pittsburgh squad.
CS: C+ With the emergence of Houston, the division is very tough, and the remaining schedule is no cakewalk. They will have to fight hard for a wild card spot.
Indy (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two losses already to division rivals. 8 seasons of 12 wins seems unlikely.
Glass Half Full- 2-2 despite playing 3 of first 4 on road. 10-6 and playoffs seems well within grasp.
TJ: O: A- The passing attack is, as always, excellent, and they put up a ton of points against everybody. They need to run the ball a little better to get an A, though.
D: D+ Ooof. I’m pretty sure I could run for 5.6 yards per carry against the Colts D-line. Houston showed you can push them around in Week 1, and I haven’t seen anything since to convince me otherwise.
QP: C+ Their wins were big and losses were tight, but a loss at Jacksonville is not good.
CS: B+ Their schedule isn’t terrible, and they face Houston at home after a bye week, so it’s hard to see them missing the playoffs. Hard . . . but not impossible.
AFC North
Baltimore (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Offense not playing well. Flacco is inconsistent.
Glass Half Full- Own two of the best wins in the league (@Jets, and @Steelers). Still have 7 home games.
TJ: O: C+ 15 points per game won’t cut it. The passing game has been inconsistent (especially considering their new weapons – Boldin and Houshmandzadeh), but the run game is the real disappointment, ranked 24th in the league.
D: A- Still an elite defense, ranked first in the league against the pass and giving up less than 20 points per game.
QP: B+ All their games have been very close, but road wins against the Jets and Steelers mean a lot.
CS: B+ With Buffalo, Tampa, Carolina, and Cleveland still on the schedule, the wins will come, and even if the Steelers win the division, this ought to be a wild card team.
Pittsburgh (3-1)
DP: Glass Half Empty- blew a chance to have a 2 game lead on Baltimore
Glass Half Full- 3-1 with their 4th QB, getting Ben R. back. Defense is incredible.
TJ: O: B Can’t really complain about scoring 22 points per game with no QB. Big Ben should bring this offense back to elite status.
D: A- Giving up only 12.5 points per game, and crushing the run. They give up a little too much in the air, but that’s nitpicking.
QP: B The Baltimore loss was a close one, but the Atlanta win was a bit lucky. Can’t complain too much about a 3-1 record.
CS: A Oakland, Buffalo, Carolina, and Cleveland twice are all still on the schedule, and Big Ben is back this week. It’s impossible to see this team missing the playoffs.
Cincy (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Unlikely to catch Pitt or Baltimore. Palmer looks awful.
Glass Half Full- Have a win over Baltimore. Defense is playing well.
TJ: O: C+ People are really down on the passing game, but their averaging 270 yards per game in the air, 6th in the league, and Palmer’s had 5 TD’s to 3 INT’s. It’s the running game that’s really bad, with Benson averaging only 3.3 yards per carry and one rushing TD on the year.
D: C+ If you take away the opening week ass-smacking from the Patriots, the D has actually been above average, and really earned the team a win against the Ravens in Week 2.
QP: C 1-1 against good teams, and 1-1 against bad teams.
CS: D Baltimore and Pittsburgh are too good, and they’ve already got a loss to the Browns. Unlikely they’ll steal a wild card spot.
Cleveland (1-3)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Gut wrenching losses to Tampa Bay and KC. Least talent in the division.
Glass Half Full- Still playing hard. Some young talent.
TJ: O: D+ They have no QB at all. The run game has occasionally shown signs of life, but they need more points to have a chance with their defense.
D: C+ Not as terrible as you might think, holding opponents under 20 points per game.
QP: D+ Every game was really close, but these first few games were their chance to get some momentum, and they blew it.
CS: F+ Next 5 games: ATL, @PIT, @NO, NE, NYJ. Fucking brutal. They’ll be lucky to be 2-8 by the end. I put their playoff odds at 400-1. God, this season sucks.
AFC West
Kansas City (3-0)
DP: Glass Half Empty- QB Cassel is struggling. Games @Indy and @Houston coming up.
Glass Half Full- Undefeated, have a win over San Diego. Fan base seems energized. Could win remaining home games and win division at 9-7.
TJ: O: B- The passing game is ugly, but they’ve run the ball well (against bad teams).
D: B+ 3 games: gave up 14, gave up 14, gave up 10. Granted, it wasn’t against the 1980’s 49ers, but those are nice numbers.
QP: B 3 close wins against bad teams.
CS: B- No one in this division is winning a wild card, but the Chiefs have a shot at the division crown. I still think they’re pretenders, though.
San Diego (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Two tough losses @KC and @Seattle. Missing key players.
Glass Half Full- Two blow-out wins, still have most talent in the division.
TJ: O: B+ They pass the ball well, and Tolbert averages 5.5 yards per carry. KC did shut them down, but it was on the road in the rain, so we’ll give them a pass.
D: B- Haven’t given up many yards on the ground OR in the air (ranked 7th and 4th respectively), and their holding opponents under 18 points per outing.
QP: C- Haven’t played anyone impressive, and they’ve stunk on the road.
CS: B- They better win against Oakland and St. Louis in the next two weeks, because the schedule is tough after that. They’re right there with KC to win the division, though.
Denver (2-2)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Struggling to score touchdowns, inconsistent play.
Glass Half Full- Kyle Orten playing well. Still with 9 games against NFC West/AFC West.
TJ: O: C They’re extremely unbalanced (1st in passing, last in rushing), and their record reflects this.
D: C The D has been very mediocre.
QP: C A lot like Cincy : 1-1 against good teams, and 1-1 against bad teams.
CS: C Three more NFC West opponents, and two games against the Raiders, which gives them a good shot at .500. Still, and unlikely playoff team.
Oakland (1-3)
DP: Glass Half Empty- Already changed QB. Blew winnable game @Arizona because of FG kicking. No first round pick next year.
Glass Half Full- Showing some improvement this year. No one pulling away 9-7 may win the division.
TJ: O: C+ McFadden has been decent, and maybe Gradkowski is the future. Got to get over that 20 points per game hump, though.
D: D+ Can’t stop the run. At all.
QP: D Shouldn’t have lost to Arizona. Keeping it close against Houston was nice, but the Titans really embarrassed these guys.
CS: D They haven’t played a division game yet, so hope is still alive.
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